It\’s Getting Hot In Here

My favourite blog from the last few weeks came from Leela Raina of the Indian Youth Climate Network. Tracking one of the Indian negotiators at the UN negotiations in Bangkok, she came up with eleven cruelly funny reasons for “Why I Shouldn’t Date an Annex-1 Guy”. You can see the full link at http://www.whatswiththeclimate.org/2009/10/07/why-i-shouldnt-date-an-annex-1-guy/

Now I’m a happily married man with three beautiful children, but I still feel the need to defend the good name of at least some of us Annex-1 guys. So I’ve compiled a list of ten good reasons “Why Annex-1 Guys Can Be A Good Date After All” in response to Leela’s:

1.      He is not willing to COMMIT.

We’re not afraid of commitments. We Europeans have already opened our hearts, and we’re ready to go even further if shown a little more love. We’re not alone. Our Japanese buddies have shown they’re in the mood for love, and after Bangkok nobody could doubt how serious those Norwegian guys are.

And we’re looking for a long-term relationship. We’re not just after a five year fling, or a relationship that ends in 2020 – we’re offering the best years of our lives, right up to 2050.

2. He takes more   S P A C E   in the relationship.

It’s a little unkind to be so personal about our size! We know we’ve eaten too many high carb meals in the past. But some of us have already put ourselves on a diet. In the UK, we’ve already lost over 20% of our weight since 1990, and we’re committed to losing over a third by 2020 – even more if others join us on our diet.

We think that a low carb diet will help us to get our economies fit and lean. We’ve put into law that, by 2050, we’ll be a mere 1/5 of the size of our 1990 former selves. That should give the Non Annex-1 girls who still need to plump out a bit space to grow, without the whole world bingeing.

3.      He refuses to FINANCE dinners.

We can’t deny that we’re careful with our wallets – times are tough. But we know we’ve got to stump up the cash – the British Prime Minister’s suggestion of $100 billion per annum by 2020 isn’t chicken feed! But who pays for a meal before it’s eaten, or before we even know what’s on the menu?

4.      Hates my mother (Read: Hates the rules imposed on him by the Kyoto
Protocol)

All European guys love their mothers, and we’re not alone. We don’t want to ditch the Kyoto Protocol. But if we’re going to be part of a long-term relationship, we know that means getting used to a new mother-in-law as well as dear old mum. If we’re going to be one big happy family, that is going to mean some compromise.

5.      Doesn’t let me use the TV remote or the computer (Read: no transfer of
technology)

Everyone finds it difficult to hand over the remote when they’re watching a programme they like – we know we should be better at sharing. But we really like the Indian idea that we shouldn’t just focus on changing channels – we should be looking at developing whole new TV programmes together.

And in terms of technology development, if we’re still dating in five years time, where do you think the electric car we drive to the restaurant will have been made? My money’s on China.

6.      Wouldn’t save me if I fall off a cliff / Earthquakes hits/flash floods
take place

The old romantic in me found this difficult to take – the age of chivalry isn’t dead yet! We want to ensure that bags of gold are available fast – but don’t we all agree that we should rescue the damsels who are in most distress first?

And at the same time, we need to make sure that we design and build new castles or carts using the latest materials and to the right standards so that they’re fit for future hazards.

7.      Doesn’t follow through and is indecisive

We’re not just old romantics – we’re modern 21^st century guys too. That means we want to share the decision-making. We know it’s not a very attractive trait to decide what we’re going to do on a date without consulting. But that means it takes longer to come to a conclusion – especially when there’s 200 of us going on the same date! And we haven’t been shy to say that we know that we want to get hitched in Copenhagen this December.

And to show we’re modern guys, you can’t deny that we like an educated partner. We’re really keen on talking climate science and we want everyone to recognise the importance of two degrees.

8.      Possessive and wants daily reports

Isn’t being a little jealous a sign that we care? We don’t want daily reports – but is a love letter once a year too much to ask? And don’t forget that you’ve got all our numbers already. Building a long-term relationship needs trust on both sides.

9. Have such a consumption-oriented lifestyle

There you go on about our bulging middles again. I’ve already said that we are slimming down – but going on a crash diet is never good for anyone.

Anyway, in the run-up to Diwali, everyone likes to do a bit of shopping. And we’d really like to take you to a new and improved carbon market – one where you can buy and sell the best low carbon stuff without having to write out a separate cheque for every single item.

10. Would not make a good father

You know how dads can be – a bit possessive, a bit domineering, a bit stubborn. But we love our children too, and want to do the best for them we can.