Once upon a time the other night, in a land far far a few miles up the road from my apartment, in the enchanted and haunting land of Furman University, an epic and timeless lecture about how global warming isn’t happening occured…
The Furman University Environmental Action Group (EAG) had been bravely championing a green fee in order to purchase Renewable Energy Credits to offset a percentage of the school’s CO2 emissions. Throughout the months, the epic and fairy-tale-esque months of September and October, EAG hosted a number of educational events, offered presentations to various audiences in the University community and presented their idea as a resolution to the Association of Furman Students, the school’s student government body.
But wait, something lurks in the darkness. “What’s that!? Who’s there!? Could it be the perpetrators of this video…?”
“It is we, some little free market guys with suits! And with our money combined – I mean powers combined – we are the College Students for a Better Tomorrow!”
You see as the EAG, moved by the urgency to address global warming and other negative impacts of fossil fuel dependence, were busy taking steps locally to reduce this complex and catalyze a clean energy future, the dark forces of Collegiates for a Better Tomorrow had devised another plan…
“We will muddle the discussion! We will host events that portray global warming as an issue that is shrouded in question and uncertainty! We will scoff and smirk at this Willie character as he testifies before the Student Government about his friends’ children who have kidney stones because of the coal-sludge in their well water! But wait… popular movements draw their power from the people by appealing to their self-interest for the right to a decent life. While our cause only pursues a “better” tomorrow for ourselves, we’ll have to draw our influence from elsewhere. We could play on people’s fears and insist that wind energy will destroy families just like gay marriage is statistically and scientifically, unrefutably proven to do, but that requires a lot of time and effort. From what other source can we draw the power needed to stamp out the clean energy movement at Furman University? Aha! Oil-industry-funded think tanks!
Enter the Competitive Enterprise Institute…
Yes the CEI, child of the long-standing unholy union of industry and government, spawned in the darkest, most particulate-matter-per-square-foot-infested pits of Washington D.C., and funded by the deep and sinister pockets of Exxon Mobile amongst others, the CEI had something to say to the students, I mean woodland creatures, sprites and whatnot of the magical land of Furman University. Represented by the maniacal, bearded policy wonk, Fred L. Smith Jr., President and Founder of this unoliest of unholy lovechildren, this is what the CEI had to say…
“Moderate warming is better than cooling.”
“People retire to Florida not Alaska”
“Warmer is better at least in a world with air conditioning.”
“CO2 is dry ice basically.”
“CO2 makes plants grow better.”
“I think Siberia and Canada would be happy if the world got a little warmer.”
“Is it fair for us to deny Siberia of a good year? They’ve had bad weather for hundreds of years.”
“The goal is to create as much CO2 as possible.”
“The transition to carbon-based fuels was ecologically critical. It lessened our impact on the earth.”
“The approximate funding of the Environmental movement is $2 billion, dwarfing any policy groups on the other side.”
Things were a lot worse before we “liberated carbon”.
But the woodland creatures, sprites and other assorted fairy-taley-kinda-critters who live, work and play in the glitter-dotted land of Furman University did not believe his lies. While the students, I mean elves and all that, were civil and kind to the outsider as is the custom in the land of Furman University, they could hold back their laughter no longer when he uttered, “Efficiency does not reduce energy use.”
The CEI’s leader, Mr. Smith concluded his speech with this thought,
(paraphrased, but I swear only slightly) “DDT cures Malaria. Rachel Carson killed millions of people. If we make energy more expensive it will kill millions of people.”
The end?????
Hell No! The Environmental Action Group and The Southern Energy Network are on the case organizing for a truly better tomorrow. Meanwhile SCASC (The South Carolina Alliance for Sustainable Campuses) is solidifying, building power and positioning itself to mobilize support across the state for the work of EAG at Furman and any other Sustainability and Environmental Justice projects undertaken in any SC campus or community.
While the College Students for a more Personally Profitable Tomorrow have caused some setbacks for the Campus Climate Challenge in the land of Furman University this past semester, their antics have shown clearer the path to clean energy on campus. The lessons learned by EAG and the SEN make us all the stronger, and that ridiculous lecture moves the student body all the more in-line with the Campus Climate Challenge.
*now here’s a note. i discovered researching CEI as I was writing this that they no longer receive funding from Exxon Mobile. I chose not to take it out of the Fairy Tale text because it flowed so well, and I could correct it here. Exxon Mobile is evidently not funding the CEI anymore due to pressure from human beings for a tomorrow, sometimes called “environmentalists.” source for this is the British Royal Society*
The speech was ludicrous. The science was bad. The logic was wrong. What more can be said?
CEI’s infamous ad willfully misinterpreted a study published in the journal Science, as saying that “Antarctic ice sheets are getting thicker, not thinner.” Yes, that’s what the study said – and it said that this was the expected behavior from global warming! That the ice sheet would deplete around the coast, and previously arid areas would receive snow and ice they didn’t get before! See (http://www.factcheck.org/article395.html for more about that).
The guy had no understanding of the scientific method and how the scientific community does research, as evinced when he said that there was “no scientific consensus on global warming.” Aaah! Look at this! The academies of science of the 11 countries that produce the bulk of scientific research agree. That’s consensus. If we see something that better explains what’s happening, we’ll latch on to that when there’s data to back it up. But there isn’t, so we hold that our hypothesis is true: that the world’s climate IS rapidly changing.
I was also confused why he seemed to be so concerned about energy pricing for the third world. Even his economics didn’t work there: if they can’t afford energy NOW, how are they going to be able to afford it LATER? Hearing a libertarian argue for something helping the poor is like hearing an environmentalist argue for buying a Hummer. It doesn’t make sense, and you know there is some ulterior motive behind it.
What a nutjob.
Great post. He seriously said all this stuff!? Not that I’m surprised. I will definitely help spread the word!
Kevin@desmogblog.com
I met Gordon Edwards a few years before he died of heart attack in his 70′s while mountain climbing. His research revealed that the study against DDT claiming it caused thinner egg shells in Brown Pelicans was blatantly flawed. The nesting eggs they measured were on Anacapa Island, down wind and current from the major Santa Barbara oil spill back in the 70′s. Scientists had to wipe crude oil off the eggs to measure them, yet they blamed trace elements of DDT in the water, ignoring the MASSIVE amount of crude oil drenching the eggs and the Pelicans themselves. The overfunded and biased study allowed scientists to arrive on the island in noisy helicopters rather than approach the nesting birds quietly in a small boat. The female Pelicans were obviously stressed by this. Dr. Edwards opened lectures by eating a tablespoon of DDT fresh out of the box. In his seventies, he was healthier than I am in my 50′s. Estimates of over 500 million have died of malaria since DDT has been banned. The “bought off” environmental movement blames the right people for the wrong reasons. Oil is killing us all with pollution, and threatening to kill anyone who has a better energy source, but they have nothing to do with climate change. There is more energy in one solar flare than all the oil on the planet. The sun is merely doing its thing. Ask God why, not Lee Raymon (Exxon CEO). But I’d like to ask Lee Raymon why numerous alternative energy inventors get guns shoved in their face?
http://www.commutefaster.com/Energy2.html
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